Hopeless Romantic

A pretty personal poem… but it is probably important to share.  People feel comfort in what they can relate to.

As todays turn to tomorrows, the air becomes colder

Looking into the mirror, I grow older

It’s a blow to my chest when I remember what was

It’s shredding to the heart when I realize its fuzz

As if love never ensued

Cynical thoughts of love being so crude

Envelop my mind, leave me without hope

Turning to outlets, mere ways to cope

Being in love makes us truly feel whole

How do you replace it when it is stole?

When is it time to heal the scar?

When do you know you have come too far?

The future is bright and my spirit is bursting

For true love is what I am clandestinely thirsting

The hole will be filled in this derelict heart

For every soul eventually discovers its counterpart.

Music is food for the soul…

Also I feel like this is me a lot: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ziwr4f5eR0M&feature=related

Here are a few songs that I haven’t been able to stop listening to all semester:

 

help you get through a creative rut, or exams!

 

More posts about my upcoming trips this December to come…

Procrastinating After An Event.

It’s been an extremely long time since I have written… sorry.
Today is December 9th, and yesterday a tragic even to occurred here at Virginia Tech.  Another senseless act of violence happened on this campus, although completely unlike the one in 2007, scars had been re-opened.

As I sit here trying to study for my finals, that seem so much less important than they did a few days ago, I can’t help but feel the need to write…

There’s a reason why there is a sense of welcome every time you enter this town

There’s a reason why Virginia Tech is advertised anywhere in the country

There’s a reason why our fans are obsessed to the point of obnoxious, to other schools

There’s a reason why people travel from all over the country to come back to Nowheresburg, Virginia year after year.

There’s a reason why our football team is going to one of the biggest bowls this year.

There’s a reason why everyone who graduates from here decks some part of their house in Hokie gear or names their first dog “Beamer”

I’m sure that from an outsider that follows media, we look like a football school that underwent a few tragedies.

…For those of you that feel this way, I want you to know that it is so much more than you will ever know…

…It’s more than a winning season.  It’s more than a sport.  It’s more than the fact that we have faced adversity.

We are Virginia Tech.  We love our school and couldn’t be more proud to represent despite all that we have been through.  Our blood pumps in maroon and orange and we may come across as obnoxious fans because this university means so much more to us than just a great education.  This place is our life.  We are family.  Anyone ever affiliated with Virginia Tech is a Hokie, we do not discriminate.  We all share a bond that cannot be put into words and a unity that is undeniably indestructible.  We respect each other, and we take a piece of the Hokie stone with us for the rest of our lives.  We are thankful and privileged to be given the chance to go here, and forever be a part of this community. 

As I left the candlelight vigil this evening with thousands of my Hokie family, I caught the eyes of the family of the officer who was deceased just yesterday.  I could not even fathom the loss they have dealt with nor could  I even know how to handle a situation as inconceivable as this.  So through our teary eyes we just nodded to eachother and I just raised my candle.  In that moment of shear despair and bewilderment of humankind, there was a glimpse of a mutual respect for each other.  We knew that we were both Hokies  and that we loved each other.  There were no words, and there will never be words, that can describe that moment, but I will carry it with me for the rest of my life. 

Fight like a Hokie, dream like a Hokie, be courageous like a Hokie, respect like a Hokie, explore like a Hokie, love like a Hokie.  All of this and more can be summed up in three words.

Be a Hokie.

  I love you all.

# 83 Up and #408 Drink the Best Tea from China

# 408 Drink the Best Tea from China

So I want to apologize upfront if my writing seems sporadic and hyper, because this tea REALLY gets the blood pumping!  I also want to apologize, I can’t lie to you, this number is kind of made up.  I decided that this bucket list is open to amendments when interesting things are placed in before me.  Basically Tim’s, my boyfriend’s, roommate went to several Asian countries for his job and brought home a few souvenirs.  One of them being ‘Long Jing’ tea.  It is considered one of the best tea drinks in China.  This may not sound very exciting, but this is definitely the most alive a drink has made me feel!  It makes you feel rejuvenated and clean inside.  I mean if drinking hot water that has been doused in real Long Jing tea leaves doesn’t cleanse your body with a million antioxidants then I don’t know what does.  Like I said I may be a little too hyper right now, but you should try it! Hopefully one day I will get the chance to drink Long Jing tea on Chinese soil.

#83 Up

So this is number 83 on the IMDb list and not necessarily my bucket list because… i am not on my computer!  The movie was great!  I don’t want to ruin the movie for you but, old people in movies are my weakness… so expect this movie have a few sad moments.  It was a perfect length though, about an hour and a half so it’s easy to sit down and watch it.  People had already warned me about the sadness factor in the movie, so I think I was mentally prepared for it.  Therefore, I didn’t cry as much as I expected.  This is good news considering sometimes I am an uncontrollable crier in movies.  Anyways, great movie watch it anytime because it’s short enough and bring some tissues if you’re anything like me.

P.S. Fun fact:  Tim’s roommate also brought home Kopi Luwak coffee beans, the same ones that Jack Nicholson feened over in the movie “The Bucket List.”  Coincidence?


Not a bucket list, just a sappy entry

This is not about bucket list events, because let’s face it they don’t happen everyday.  I just felt an inspiration to write.

When did life get so selfish?  When did all of my thoughts just become about myself?  I want to just live for other people, but how do you do that when you are trying to figure out your own life?

I guess I just wish things were more simple.  Day in and day out I am working towards an invisible goal.  I chose an extremely difficult major where I don’t fit the mold and extremely doubt I will pursue a career in.  I like to stay positive and think about the endless possibilities I will have post-graduation, but it’s scary to think I still have no idea.  It’s times like these that I wish I were still back-packing.  You did not need to be a genius to be accepted, or a status to get you higher.  All you needed was a fire inside to do something.

Somewhere inside there is a raging fire to be the absolute best.  I want to make a name for myself and show that there was a purpose I was put on this earth. I want to blow the socks off of a competitor and I would do anything to get there.  The problem is, I have no idea where to channel this energy.  I don’t just want to be a floater.  I just want something I would be really good at, it’s depressing just being mediocre at things you don’t really enjoy.  Sorry for a depressing entry…I just have been doing a lot of thinking. 

This desire will ALWAYS guide me somewhere.  I have to keep it alive and hopefully the fire will turn into a torch that shows me where to go.  Never let your emotions go because they make you who you are.  When you let them go you are just ignoring them.  Never let your heart freeze over, empathy is the most important trait to have.  Love others with all your heart and maybe your future will be shown to you when you are not looking.

Must See Top 250 Movies #167, 178, 366, 371, 372

# 167 American Beauty

So this movie I remember vaguely seeing as a little girl.  Of course I didn’t understand everything, and obviously was not allowed to see the whole thing considering it has some inappropriate scenes.  The movie is amazing.  It actually makes me think of the TV show happening now “Breaking Bad.”  The story line is a bit melancholy and reminds the viewer of the typical American rat race we find ourselves in sometimes.  Everything about is unconventional and it leaves you with thoughts of confusion and a desire to stay out of day in and day out normalcy.

#178 A Clockwork Orange

So this movie was just as trippy and disturbing as I thought it would be, but that’s why it was good.  The story line was great and I always think there is something special about movies made in the 70’s.  The Beethoven music in the background was an amazing touch through the whole movie.

# 366 Mulholland Dr

Honestly this movie didn’t do it for me.   I thought the first scene was interesting and I could see it going somewhere but then there were too many unrelated stories.  This should not have spoiled anything, but everyone was basically a no name actor except for Naomi Watts.  The acting was not believable and I found it so corny that I didn’t watch the whole thing.  It was surprising to know that the movie was made in 2001, it seemed like 1992.  Anyways, maybe I wasn’t patient enough but I did not want to watch 3 hours of bad acting. : (

# 371 Shutter Island

Absolutely amazing.  The only reason it is so low on the list is that it just came out and it has not had enough time to climb the ladder.  DiCaprio is, yet again, unreal!  Not to mention Mark Ruffalo was awesome and when to my high school!! I don’t want to spoil to movie for you, but take my advice and watch this on a rainy day.  It is a little on the long side and also a little depressing but it is worth paying attention to every second because it all plays a role in the plot.  I actually watched this movie twice in a week, it’s worth it.

# 372 Monsters, Inc.

Yes, this is on the list!  I watched this movie obviously before, but probably enjoyed it more as an adult.  Pixar is genius.  Did you that they came up with every movie in one sitting?  Anyways there are four or five of their movies on this list.  The idea of monsters living in a world and using children screams as their energy source is amazing.  Such an intelligent thought that not only kids will find amusing but probably more so adults.  Pixar movies are worth watching again when you are older… actually any Disney movie for that matter.


Long Time NO Talk

The title speaks for itself, it has been a VERY long time since this blog has been touched…btw…

Australia was a dream.  This is it for a nutshell:  Tim and I took a semester off from school and backpacked along the way.  We made friends from all around the world, went skydiving, had absolutely no technology or cosmetics, scuba dived in the Great Barrier Reef, pet kangaroos, went to the Steve Irwin Zoo, lived on a boat for 4 days, worked at a travel agency for 2.5 weeks, went up the East Coast then to Melbourne, surfed the Australian coast, swam with sharks (in the wild), went to a theme park…and the list goes on and on.  Most importantly though, as my passages have said before, we found a whole new side of life.  We discovered a deeper meaning and an endless search of possibilities.  We realize now that almost anything is manageable and our lives are much bigger than the tiny snow globe we place it in.  I remember the very first night we spent in Sydney.  We shared an 8 person room and one girl in particular, from England, told us about the travel bug.  I didn’t get it before, but I completely understand it now.  But my bug has taken on more than just travelling…..

I have decided to make my life a complete bucket list.

So I decided to bring back this blog to help share the adventures and most importantly record my thoughts.  I have compiled a list of over 400 items on my list, and I have every intention of doing them no matter what it takes.  There is only this one life and it is my goal to make sure to see and do the most I can with it.  I think that laying out all the items on the list would ruin the fun, so I will just tell you as I go what number they are and how it went down.  Ready for a journey?

Excuse my poor writing skills…

So here I am .  Twenty one years old and 8 inches of hair lighter.  It’s less than 24 hours from my departure.  Everything is ready.  It is amazing that one backpack laying on my bed carries my whole life, all my belongings.  I don’t know what to think right now.  I am having a whirlwind of excitement trying to suppress my nerves.  I mean lets be serious, I have NEVER BEEN OUT OF THE COUNTRY…much less backpacked my way through it.  And I am not going to Canada, no… I am going to basically the farthest place from the U.S. I could go.  But I think I am ready…

….When I walk onto plane tomorrow I will be leaving a lot behind.  But I like to think that a new life is starting.  For the first time in my life I will be going somewhere nobody has heard of me.  There will be no familiar streets or faces.  It is a chance to see everything in a new light.  As much as I want to see the Sydney Opera House, the sandy beaches of Surfer’s Paradise, or the 1,500 species of fish in the Great Barrier I hope that I have a religious experience.  I want to be humbled with the little that I own, the lives we will affect through community service, and the nobody that I will be.  I want to start off my life on a different foot.  Life doesn’t have to be as monotonous as everybody makes it out to be. I want to learn how to solve problems in a healthy way, and realize that every problem will make me a better person.  I want to come home realizing who my best friends really are when I am deciding who I can’t wait to call first.

You may be thinking this blog is a little much. And I may say that you’re right.  I mean, people travel all the time. And I mean let’s be serious, how long have people been backpacking The Appalachian Trail?  This girl is going to civilized places with beaches!  Again I would agree with you.  But I would also like to tell you that no one all the way down my family tree had ever done anything, or had the opportunity to do anything like this (unless they were in World War II).  Now I don’t mean to say that to shed a light on myself.  But I want you to know that because this trip symbolizes a lot more to me than just some time off..but a new way of living.  Hopefully someday I could share my adventures with my future children and explain to them the power of following your dreams and to dare to do things differently.

IMG_0257IMG_0258

(something I made in fourth grade by collecting coins around the house 🙂 )

I will not be bringing a computer, but whenever I get access to one…I would love to share the journey with you.  Thanks for following, I love you all and God bless.

If you so choose, the “grass” will always be green on your side

So I am not really sure if anyone follows this, but I will continue to write to keep my thoughts together! First of all, I want to apologize for the long pause.  I was up at school busy with finals and the end of my job, and since I have been home I have barely used technology!

Just to give you an update:  I am home for approximately a month.  Tim is here with me and my parents and we are taking this precious time to make more money for the trip, get in shape, and plan out the trip.  Tim has a job with a construction company for three weeks and I have been babysitting, house sitting, and worked at the East Coast Surfing Championship.  We bought our plane tickets also!!!  We are flying to Sydney on September 27th  and will be making it back to Norfolk December 11th.  This should be about the same time everybody gets out of school and enough time before the holidays.

It is really crazy to think that the tickets were actually bought, and this is really happening.  I will also say that I also feel odd, like the feeling you have when you play hookie from school.  I have some very mixed emotions, I have a hard time thinking about what I am missing at school because I LOVE my sorority and miss it very much, but I also really like spending this time to reflect on life.  I guess something I am trying to learn is to enjoy where ever I am at the time. Too many times I think about what is going one somewhere else.  It is part of my personality to want to see and do everything, but I need to turn that into a positive thing and enjoy where I am at the moment.

grass

So this morning I decided to take a jog, continuing my work out routine for the trip especially, when I was stopped by friends of my mothers.  It’s funny how every time I see somebody my first instinct is to explain why I am home, so nobody thinks I flunked out of school.  It will be nice to be a nomad who is not defined by my individual achievements.  Both of these women have accomplished a lot and have beautiful families to continue show for it.  One of the ladies in particular has been battling with cancer for about 6 years, yet her positivity about life blows me away.  You can learn a lot from people like that.  After explaining the whole crazy ordeal they both were amazed, shared their thoughts, and even expressed a little jealousy.  The lady with cancer looked me in the eyes and told me that ‘ life never slows down and to always do the things you want to accomplish with goals in mind.’  She even explained how no step of your life is final.  You CAN take a break from your job and even if you have a family, kids are mobile too.  I will always remember that advice and cherish their approval of my non-conventional plan.  I ran home and ended my jog with a little faster pace.

Insomnia

So basically I have been a very busy woman… as always.  My class takes up about 40 hours a week, I work 20 hours a week plus give presentations and write papers for my job, and try to continue a social life with it all.  I work about 14 hours a day.  I am not trying to complain because I am used to working hard and I love being busy, but it’s funny how I am always just “trying to get through it.”  I work hard to have my weekends or my breaks.  When I really think about it, it is pretty pathetic that I am trying to  just “get through” a little over half of my week.  I am not ashamed and I certainly feel like I am making a difference, but I need to find a passion that I am excited to spend doing half of my time.

Anyways… I just thought I would fill you in, I am trying to get myself in shape for the trip.  Because we plan on biking around, I am working out almost everyday.  I am also TRYING to get used to grazing on food every 2 hours rather than eating large meals.  I will be going home for a few weeks after summer school to spend time with my family try to save up some more money.  Anyone need a babysitter?! 🙂  There has been a lot of planning and community service projects will be starting really soon.  I already feel more passion about the services I am about to do than anything I have ever done.  I will try to keep you updated!

I love hearing anybody’s feed back… and if anybody has a bike let me know 🙂 haha…wow sorry I am a little tired typing thisss….

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