Things I Am Able to Do Because I am a Single Woman in my 20’s

In a world where love is shoved down our throats and your self worth is sometimes measured against it if you are a woman, it is hard to stay positive.  “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” “When are you going to get engaged?”  These questions are asked as if there is something wrong with being a confident, single, hardworking young woman.  I do believe that the idea that women are nothing without their man and they need to be married right away is severely archaic, but our social media doesn’t show enough love for those women who are choosing to be single.

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Here are a few reasons why I have chosen to be single in my 20’s, when the rest of society sometimes tells me otherwise:

1. Building Core Girlfriend Relationships.

I will be the first to admit that back in my serial monogamous days, I had trouble with having close girl friends.  I think it was due to the fact that I grew up mostly hanging out with guys, and I simply just had difficulty relating to girls.  Also whenever I had my boyfriend, they turned into my best friend.  They were basically a crutch for my loneliness as I entered college and didn’t know how to react to building new friendships.  When I had boyfriends I was always secretly jealous of all the girls that were good at maintaining good girl friendships.  Once I entered my single phase, building my solid girl friendships was the most vital thing I could have ever done to survive.  Now I can confidently say that I have a solid group of girlfriends that are with me through this tumultuous age.  They are my rock and my back board.  As relationships that started as “misery loves company” these women have turned into sisters.  If there is a man in your picture or not, make sure you have your ladies.  They NEED to be there first.

2. Spending Time With All Groups of People, With Zero Guilt.

Probably another reason why I have spent the majority of my 20’s single is because of how ridiculously independent I tend to be.  With this, I enjoy beep-bopping around to all different kinds of social groups.  Probably my favorite thing to do on this earth is to meet new, interesting people that I can share experiences with and grow from.  Being single is great because I have been able to get to know all different kinds of people and don’t have a boyfriend to make me feel guilty about not spending enough of my time with him.

3. Traveling, Because… Why not?

I love being able to pick up my stuff at any time, with my own money, and literally be able to go wherever my heart desires.  Since being single I have:

  • Gone on a road trip with way too many college friends crammed in a Key West condo
  • Spent a summer in Washington D.C. for an internship without having to play the distance dance
  • Spent a 5th year at college because I backpacked Australia for a semester and didn’t need to worry about quickly graduating and meeting up with a boyfriend
  • Traveled to Sierra Leone with 13 strangers on a complete spontaneous whim, with nobody holding me back
  • Spending a week and a half in Uganda for a senior design trip because again, why not?
  • Going on a spring break cruise to the Caribbean with all of my best college friends and rooming with whoever I wanted
  • Spending a week in Puerto Rico staying with one of my best girlfriends and a single guy because we could

This list doesn’t include the countless trips  visiting all my amazing friends in their fabulous new cities!  Being single in my 20’s has allowed me to have endless adventures based on one single concept: Because, why not?  Also, in the near future I have plans to maybe backpack alone in Europe… because I can.

4. Getting Closer With My Family.

Because I don’t have to share my time with building a relationship with a boyfriend or their family, I have become very close with my family.  Instead of texting a boyfriend about anything happening in my life, I am able to reach out to my parents and sister who have been there for me my entire life.  At this point in my life my parents have become my best friends and I have so much respect for them.  I don’t know if I would be as close with my family if I had to spread my attention elsewhere during these critical years.

5. Endless Career Possibilities.

I am currently in graduate school, because again, I just wanted to do it.  After college I had no where that I felt obliged to move to, and zero things holding me back from reaching my own dreams.  I could apply wherever, with no pressure.  As I am trying to finish up my graduate degree, it is nice to say at interviews that I am literally willing to relocate anywhere (preferably where there is a beach… buuuttttt you know what I mean).  Want to make a completely bold, spontaneous, life-changing decision? Why not? Who’s going to stop you, that’s right… no body. 🙂

6. Reveling In My Own Weird Habits.

We all do weird things when we are by ourselves, and it’s nice to actually be able to enjoy those things with zero judgement.  I can dance in my room, eat ice cream in my bed, and watch all the horrible Real Housewives episodes I so please.  There is no body to tell me I need to change and definitely no compromises needed.  Thank you very much.

7. Really Taking My Time to Get to Know Myself – Selfishness is Acceptable!

This time has been all about myself (if you can’t tell from this narcissistic post).  I am meeting new people and growing at an exponential rate.  I am taking the opportunity to really embrace these moments and take the time to think about them.  I talk to a 77 year old man once a week, every week, about my life and what I am doing with it.  It’s a great way to reflect and focus on my goals.  I like to live my life by a bucket list, it’s exhilarating to be able to do this at my own pace.  Your 20’s is such a precious time of life, it’s nice that I have been able to totally own it and work on myself with out anything holding me back.

8.  I Know Exactly What Kind of Significant Other I Do and Do Not Want to Be.

First of all, I have gone through several relationships to realize what I did right and what I did wrong before I started my single life.  But besides that, as a veteran third-wheeler, I have been able to observe several couples.  From those couples I can piece together what I do and do not want to be in my own future relationship.

9. I Know What I Want and What I Don’t Want In a Partner – True Trial and Error.

Because I have not spent all of my 20’s in one or two relationships, I have a true idea about all different types of men.  I have been able to date all kinds of people, whether or not they seemed like my “type” or not.  I haven’t had to live with the regret of “I wish I had dated more to know what I really wanted.”  At this point, I really do know what I want and it’s a great feeling. No FOMO happening here.

10. I Don’t Think You Truly Live Until You Step Outside of Your Comfort Zone.

This is a phrase, I absolutely live by.  I think that being single in your 20’s goes hand-in-hand with this phrase.  Being completely alone is a very uncomfortable feeling, but being able to embrace it helps you to truly live.  I think if you can embrace that alone feeling and make it something beautiful, then opening yourself to love will be something you do when you are ready… not because you are lonely.  I also am a huge advocate of people going on dates with strangers.  It is a great way for us to grow, and really prepares you for interviews and meeting new people.  Even if the date is horrible, putting yourself out there for a new opportunity is a beautiful thing.

11.  Following Your Own Passions.

Your career, your religion, a cause, whatever it is you are able to go for it 110%.  I was once in a relationship where my boyfriend made fun of me for how passionate I was about some things.  Now I can chase after those passions with nobody to make me feel stupid, and actually fill that void with people that inspire me.  Nothing feels more fulfilling than meeting people with the same passions as you.  I think this time I will let my passions guide me to love, rather than sharing my passions with someone I think I’m in love with.

12. Taking Yourself on Dates

In all actuality, this could be the only time of your life where you can be completely alone.  If you do end up getting married and having children, I’m sure you will think back on these years and wish you had embraced your alone time more.  Right now I am really trying to do just that.  I can have quiet time to meditate and just enjoy the peace  I have by myself.  Getting to the point where you enjoy alone time, and going to bed alone feels just fine is a healthy place to be.  It has taken a few years, but I am loving this time alone.  Also, try treating yourself to a date.  Recently I took myself out to lunch and a movie, and it really felt amazing.  One day I’m going to wish for these opportunities again.

13. Honestly,
This Entire Post: 
37 Things You’ll Regret When You’re Old

Pertaining to this post, namely #’s 1, 3, 6, 8, 16, etc. It is a perfect depiction of why we need to embrace our single days.

With all this being said, I do believe that people find relationships that help them grow and be the person they were meant to be.  They are blessed with a significant other that grows with them and inspires them to reach their full potential.

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This post is meant for those who have not found that person in their 20’s, and who struggle with lonely feelings.  Never settle for the type of relationship that does not encourage you to be a stronger and better person than you ever imagined.  Figure out how truly amazing you are by yourself before you share your beautiful heart with someone else.

I think I will let my own passions guide me to love before I share my passions with somebody I think I love.

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